In an e-mail response to Sunday’s post, a friend suggested that the first time I was on stage I was as frightened as I am now with the release of the book. In retrospect I realized it is not true. At the time I didn’t realize what was at stake. I was a naive kid, simply doing what I thought was the next step. If I would have known what was at stake I sure I would have been unable to speak (or breath).
The book is here.
For more information go here.
Once when I was asked, “How ya doing?” I began my response with, “The town I grew up in is at the foot of a small mountain. Every hundred years there is a forest fire. This is not a bad thing. It is needed to thin the trees and the ash of the brut trees brings needed nutrients to the soil.” That was only the beginning to a very long winded answer to what was going on in my soul. To this day, I think it was only way I could have described what I was feeling. If I was asked that question today an equally long winded response would ensue…
I am currently listening to On Writing by Steven King. At one point in the book he is describe the fact that we are capable of telepathy. To illustrate this point he describes a rabbit eating a carrot in a large cage on a table with a red table cloth. The rabbit is white, with a pink nose, red rimmed eyes, and a large number 8 written in blue ink on its back. He then contends that we are seeing the same thing. Sure the cage might be different, and the table cloth might be a different shade of red in your mind versus mine. But we are looking at the same thing. This has all been done without uttering a word. Also Steven’s was working in the winter of 1996 and I saw the image today. Not only has he communicated with out the use of words he has done it over a great distance of time. He thought eight years before it reached my mind. We are share a very close intimate moment as we look at the same thing.
Weather or not this is truly telepathy is matter of semantics, but it is an interesting thought. As an artist (or an art maker of any type) that is always the hope. The art maker thinks/feels/knows something and tries to convey it over time and space. There are many books in which I felt like I was living the story. Read letters in which if felt like I was having a cup of tea with the writer. Engrossed in something on the radio that I start talking back. A powerful connection that passes time and space.
I have just finished writing my first book. The writing itself has been done for more than a month (as much as any writing is really done, it is more like I was just out of time to keep working), the lay out has been done for weeks. I won’t feel done until the books are in my hands sometime tomorrow afternoon. I have never been a part of something so exciting and horrifying. I believe in the work, and did the best I could with the time I had. I am excited to share it with the world. Then the world is going to react. That is horrifying. I have crafted this personal message and through the “telepathy” of the book I am projecting it out into the world. Hoping to find a willing recipient of the message.
This is so much scarier than being on stage. When I am on stage I can see how the audience is reacting and adjust. I am also almost always on stage with an amazing actor/comedian. If I can’t get the audience to react to me, he will. The book on the other hand is just going to go out in to the world, on its own. I won’t be there to explain and justify it. It must stand on it own. What if its legs aren’t strong enough? It is devastating to think about it crumbling under the scrutiny of the reader. Or worse, I am going to be standing behind a table trying to share it with the world and no one picks it up.
On Thursday, for the first time, this book is going to be presented to the world. It feels as if the weight of a year of work and four years of thinking and my entire belief system about chasing dreams are going to be in the line for the world to judge. I know it is silly and irrational to feel the value of all this is going to hang on the buying habits of 1800 youth ministers. One moment I am filled with a self confident (edging on arrogant) air of having this to share and without a thought my chest is tight without air fearing the worst.
This is a just a silly book, I can’t image what it is like to have children walking out in the world. How could any human bare that sort of love/hope/fear as there child in the world?
“I’ve got a great ambition to die of exhaustion rather than boredom.” Thomas Carlyle
Is there someone on your Christmas list who just seems to have everything they need? Then buy them a goat or some other farm animal.
This is one of the coolest aid organizations out there: Heifer.org
[via brad]
This is a really amazing book about the power of words and prayers. This is a translation from Japanese, so it is not the best written. Even if only 10% of the ideas in the book are right, it is very thought provoking. You should be able to find it at most B&N and is worth a brose.
The basic idea is that bottels of water which are exposed to positive words like “love” and “thank you” freeze into beautiful crystals. While words like “you fool” and “satan” would not create any crytal at all.
We were in NC Wednesday and Thursday. Some of the local youth ministers were trying to expose us to local culture. At one point I was told we needed to get sweet tea a some particular place. The tea was described as: Tea so sweet it will make your teeth jump out of your face.
Gentleman start your lawyers.
A friend found this in her Jewish tradition class.
“Every person born into this world represents something new, something that never existed before, something original and unique. It is the duty of every person in Israel to know and consider that he is unique in the world in his particular character and that there has never been anyone like him in the world, for if there had been someone like him, there would have been no need for him to be in the world. Every single man is a new thing in the world and is called upon to fulfill his particularity in this world…Every man’s foremost task is the actualization of his unique, unprecedented and never-recurring potentialities, and not the repetition of something that another, and be it even the greatest, has already achieved.” Martin Baber from Hasidism and Modern Man 1956
“Our sin is a gain of sand in God’s ocean of love.” unknown
“We love God as much as the person we like least.” Dorthy Day